BREAKOUT - N.E.R.D

Listen to the song in the title as you read for the intended reading experience! also thank u to Toluwa!  You inspired this piece heavy <3

⋆˚࿔

I was in the middle of writing something that many of you will never see. It began as something small, but as soon as I caught myself dwelling too hard on things that I can never change, I watched the word count rise and let the symphony of clicking keys fill my ears. I replayed certain events, and let them inspire the clicking of my fingers. More and more until-

'I feel like you're giving them too much energy'

-My fingers froze and I immediately became aware of myself. I felt a slight tinge of heat tickle my cheeks and I opened my mouth to speak, to refute this claim, even though there was some truth to it. I let her continue, and she detailed the ways in which I could've done better, while also being considerate of how I felt at that time.

'It just happened… so what?'

My issue wasn't the events themselves, but instead all those stones that I had left unturned. They were now like boulders, that I had been unknowingly dragging along with me all this time. How my back ached and my palms stung from this unnecessary load, how the toils of grudge holding have transformed me, and I so desperately wanted to make everyone aware of my changes.

'But I know how you feel, I know how you feel, when no-one careeeeeesss'

If I let go of this load, who will know what has been done to me? I must brandish these wounds and renew my contract of anger, of hurt. I must be variegated in effect of my hardship, that way it will be worth it! Although I hadn't yet considered that these were my thoughts, those were my purposes no? How silly I had become, and how badly I wanted to change other's strange afflictions of indifference. I wanted everyone to know and to care.

In the throes of feeling 'wronged' it is so easy to forget how good it feels to let go, let those wounds heal, rather tearing open your flesh each time you are prompted with discontent. I must empty the 'etagere' of rant inducing instances and allow my skin to knit itself together.

'BREAKOUT!'

When I break out of this cycle and return to myself once more maybe then I will know how good it feels to heal -

'But don't it make you feel rage?'

-and how anger had lulled me into a false sense of ownership over these events. I can't grow with just rain! I'll be swollen and unsteady, unable to keep anything in. But with the sweet wash of sunlight, that I am only now allowing myself to feel, that water can evaporate, the blood in my palms is not only washed away, but also dried. Those boulders now crack and crumble under the heat and my back is straightened once more. There is nothing left to carry, and even if there was...

'Shit happens, hey! Just blow it off WOOOOOOOO!'

...There is nothing to gain in doing as such.

 ⋆˚࿔

I think I quite like this piece! And this song, If I was a producer i'd want to make something like this. Anywho lmk what you think as usual and i stress please listen to the song alongside the piece.